I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
