i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The power of my boobs compel you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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