I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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