I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
