We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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