Christians are straight up FREAKS
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
