Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
