Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
