And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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