I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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