I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
