Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
