So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
