Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
