forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
