my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We need to get me chipped asap
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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