Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
