I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
