I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
