There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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