6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
