WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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