When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
