i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
