the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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