I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
