you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How does one acquire holy water?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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