Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
