Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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