He passed out mid-signature
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
