i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
