he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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