I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
