dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
