i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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