All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
