this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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