Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
