the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
