i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize