I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
