why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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