Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
