so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
