I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
