It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
