My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
