Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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