At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
