Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
