You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
