my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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