i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
