dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
