Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
