It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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