don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
