i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
