One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
