Soap is not a condiment
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
