I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
