you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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