After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and she was petting her beer can
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
