Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.