I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
