I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
