I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
high people should be assigned attendants
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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