We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
