Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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