I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
