Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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